Day 13573: Woke up with acid in my throat and the rain still dripping in. More and more came down and location change to stay dry. The still asking of why. Without conclusion or resolution. Put it down. There is no why, only happening & response. Only hurt and pain, memories of how uncomfortable life was and now the discomfort of being alone, independent, responsible for one. Continual questioning of what is life made. Knowing consciousness is all there ever is, the witness, the self aware. Here lies the waking dream. The combined presence of want and desire and there was only these things sometimes. Only planning and criticizing — Remembering & forecasting. Hooks baited and hooks cast, and at what cost? The crutch of it got lost in the mindstuff, the circling around in rain and storms, the light no visible past the clouds. The calm still place surrounded by noisy streets and uncomfortable beats. There is always the ability to sit down right in the street and be present. Hoping cars will rush around or at least the accidents will not cause a scene. It was all consuming no matter what one did, so why spend time on the outside looking in? Consciousness was in the inside looking out.