Day 13145
(Preview from the There Is A Way, a work in progress)
I feel for you, if this is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do: Being alone with yourself and your dreams and your life and your content. If you can’t find happiness here, then where is it? Seriously.
Happiness is a mat that sits on your doorway, across the threshold, walked all over and throughout, unnoticed and always seen. Welcomed home and goodbyed. It’s 3AM and I must be lonely. True love comes and then it goes. Fleeting and to hold it, to know it at all times, divine. Kimberly said, Count me in for Heaven on Earth. They were a fox, and the most significant predators of foxes on earth were humans. Hunted for their fur and killed in large numbers because they are pests. It came down again, to true, unconditional Love or full-blown self-hatred directed outward.
They said, You know most traumatized people are addicts. So our war on drugs is really a war on hurt people. They thought, Trauma was bullshit. Who wasn’t traumatized? Capitalist greed and common law fuckery meant there was not a day where someone wasn’t trying to sell me something. And now with this COVID-19 bullshit, it was friends and family. Venmo this, feel bad for that. My income is gone and still ten million dollars to Shake Shack and fuck fact and all that nonsense.
Fox said, You know they gave it back?
Whatever the fuck that means, They thought, How do you even give ten million dollars back? Why the fuck take it in the first place. Each of your fucking franchises is a small business? Is that the idea? Money grabbing bullshit. And now you see, now after the effects, you see? It was the father again. Let them learn their own lessons, make their own mistakes. Again and Again. Why? Why did it take the hurt and pain and trauma to see how it all went down? Why did Hulk have to get angry for them to see? We said it. We told you we needed money, and then the bullies and the big wigs and the fuckers with accountants and lawyers and all the other things got involved, and here, me filling out my online application at Wells Fucking Fargo, one of the largest fuckers in the world, and I gotta ask them for my measly ten grand and they say, sorry, the government ran out of money. Well, why the fuck did you give it to Shake Shack in the first place? Bastards. Fucking fucks.
Chris said, You know, mental illness is the greatest problem we have right now. One flew over the cuckoo’s nest and all that shit. Gaslight me into believe anything is the new normal. I burn the house down. Young tried to ignite people. One of the problems with idealists, they said, is that they never find the deal. Trust our union is strong. Trust is the most important thing. If our union is strong, we will survive and have success. Food, clothing, and shelter in a happy way, that’s all we need right now. We want to change the value itself. Changes in value take time. We have time now. Changes in value IS time. If you are too afraid to build you dreams, don’t worry, come work for me, Young said, You can build mine.
He approached at the same bougie cafe in Woodstock where I first met Mr. Young, sitting in the same booth. Noah asked, What books are you reading? He sat. He was recovering, on a path of light. Noah discovered wine and lay naked and drunk, cursing. They thought, Now the earth was corrupt and was full of violence. How corrupt the earth had become, for all the people on earth had corrupted their ways. So they said to Noah, I am going to put an end to all people, for the earth is filled with violence because of them. I am surely going to destroy both them and the earth. Noah said, Looks like you have a pretty righteous relationship to the word, dude.
Chris worried, We wander. Haven’t we done that all our lives?
When a nuke goes off, it’s not like everyone dies all at once. There are still hundreds of thousands of people alive, walking around with their skin hanging off. You would think that they would have died right off, Young’s grandfather said, but, no. They don’t. Hundred of thousands just walking around with flesh dripping off. Can you imagine that? Chris choked up, wondering, Why am I trying so hard to stay alive?
