Only time would teach: When you’re writing your own story, sometimes you had to kill off the main character to survive. — Divorce came first, depression later. After building a life together, it was shocking that the loss was more in the imagined future, than in the loss of anything real. The questioning of the rational resource logistics was most of the worry. The rebuilding was in imagining anything else for what…

To instill the life of work in future generations, to keep the halls of society full and familiar, and to offer some wise narration for how to do it all better, this is the work of life. Though, without care, your work helps craft a hollow vision of a future you won’t ever get to live in. — It all is work. Being alive and embodied is consuming. The time spent in motion, the burning of calories, the eating, the processing, the excreting — it all uses energy.

Life appeared to be related to value. There was an understanding of the continued efforts to sustain and take care of yourself, to continue your embodied existence. In society the self was seen and be came part of something else. Here was service and work. Without something to trade, what…

You do not exist in a vacuum. Consciousness knows itself only through relationship. The universe is a space to explore yourself in relation to others. — There is a space of understanding outside of conscious time and it knows innately how to act. Guidance comes from exploring this space together. Paying attention to your relationships allows access to a calm knowing of your part in everything. A space with true love for life as is.

Day 13611: Rereading parts of Diary of an Anarchist, it was clear the work was good. The writing captured something fleeting, all the records did. A moment. A memory. A series of thoughts without edit. The order, the array was part of it. For writing as practiced was a selection…

Day 13602: Woke up ready for life again, understanding the inevitability of living. Not afraid, and still anxious to know if it was right. Still uncertain of the path. Still questioning the narrative. “Learn to find your own,” came to mind, the words from a score of years ago. And…

Thoughts are fashion, cultured in time. The importance of this idea is the defining nature of thoughts to experience. Life is filtered through mental programs. A steady mind may use one main program. A schizophrenic mind may use them all. The mind is continuously open to new programming. Some of…

Day 13573: Woke up with acid in my throat and the rain still dripping in. More and more came down and location change to stay dry. The still asking of why. Without conclusion or resolution. Put it down. There is no why, only happening & response. Only hurt and pain…

Day 13572: Woke up in distress, under thoughts, memories created and stories told. Now a sense of the animal nature of it all. The stalking of prey. The understanding of primitive action. It was so upsetting to the core. The violation, the trespass. What was she doing? What the fuck…